Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
