u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
