Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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