dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
