I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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