I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
