I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
