honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
