The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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