im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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