WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize