Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
