sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
