He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
