When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
