She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
