I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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