I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
