I look better un-naked...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
A+ Viking dick
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
