my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
