just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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