Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Are we still banned from the library?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
