Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
