Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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