apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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