it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
