You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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