I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize