I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
