I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
