Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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