We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
