yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wish my penis had a tongue
We got so high we made milksteak
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
