he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
