So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
