I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
