hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
