we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Terrible idea I love it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
