Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
