this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
