My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the condom got lost in my hair
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
