Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
