I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
