so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
