I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
