Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
