Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
