if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
sex in a hospital.. check
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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