Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
