Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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