Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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