Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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