i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
