Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The Olympian is in my bed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
