he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
