Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize