I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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