Swine flu is the new snow day.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
