How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
