): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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