every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
