Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
