It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
