dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
