o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
foreskin is a definite game changer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
