I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
