Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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