Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're like the curious george of whores
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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