Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
