Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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