I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
