please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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