Duck Duck Cougar?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
